Tuesday, March 13
now is 3am le yet i cant slp..dunno y been slping late always..things dont go veri smoothly for me this few weeks..got lots of problems...making me veri fan...i really don wan to think anymore...but it keep coming back to my brain...esp late at nite when i am alone...or lying on my bed going to slp...that y i always keep myself busy...to stop me from thinking...den always ask ppl out...so guys now u know y i keep jioing u all le ba...but this only help when i woke up and go out...when i come back hm...it a different thingy...so i always come hm veri late nowadays...play mahjong wif wei jie friends till late...or go out wif my pool factor friends till late...den reach hm veri tried can slp veri fast...sometime also drink beer with friends...i really hate nite time i guess...cos it seem the problems came back again...is this wat i want in my life?i always tell my mother not to drink to much...saying it bad for health all that...and now i started learning to drink...and drinking more and more...form beer to red wine...6 cups to 7 cups...7 cups to 8 cups and so on...and now i finally understand my mother feeling...although it help u forget the problem for a short time..and once u awaken..the sad things travels back to yor mind...but at that point of time...the short time realli helps alot...cos at least i am not that sad during that short time...and there are friends acc me drining and talking...i feel i am not left alone...i feel i am being cared...i feel there are still these ppl accing me...y other ppls loves seem so easy to get and feel...but i cant get yors and cant feels yors?why?why my love for u seem so different from all my pervious ones?while others are almost the same... but yors are...i am confuse.. is it i love u much more than all my pervious,and i am really serious about u?if yesh den y i don wan to accept it?y i dont dare to accept...i really dunno..there are somethings that stop me!do u really love me and care for me?is that the only problem that is stoppping me?i guess there are more,but i dunno how to put into words here...are yor love for me also different?mayb u dont even have this problem...cos u dont even love me in the first place...if u do? y i cant feel it?mayb u are trying veri hard to love me only..but i do feel yor love for another guy...i know its stupid...feeling someone love that is not for myself rite?but i only can sense that..i cant sense mine...i cant feel mine...i might still be happy and full of craps,when u see me...but deep in my heart,there are a pool off hidden sadness...it hard to act like nth had happenact happy and normal like b4...but actually smthing is bothering me...and i am veri hurt...i don wan to act anymore...i just want to be myself...when happy i am really happy..when sad and hurt...i really need some kind of help and care...but who?who can help me?i guess no 1 can help me permently..only temperary...i guess onli time can slowly heal me...so wat to do?continue to act as happy as b4...like wat i use to be...till i am really heal...life still have to go on...does blogging now really help me feel better?i dunno...cos it help me spent my lonely nite time..but at the same thing...all the sad things and problem cant back to my mind...anyway i am now trying to do smthing...hopping times fly faster...so i feel more tried and can slp easier..and when i woke up...can find someone go out again...and the only thing left is blog...okay is 4.30am aready...been blogging and thinking of all my problem,infront of com for 1hrs plusi guess it is time to slp...nite all...`hopeing to have a better day soon!pls...
+otahman+ blogged @ 2:56 AM
About Me.
+DaRyL+
+19+
+03.06.88+
+Gemini+
+kranji Primary Sch+
+Bukit View Secondary Sch+
+Singapore Polytechnic+
+otahman_1988@Hotmail.com+
Tag Board.
oTaH's WiSheSs
+to get a new 3G phone+
+to get a new nike bag+
+to get a new laptop+
+to be at least 1.75m tall+
+to improve his pool skills+
+to improve his basketball skills+
+to stay with his parents not auntie+
+to has his back recover fully+
+to last long with his Mrs Yang+
oTaH's LuRveS
+to sleepz+
+to slackz+
+to watch tv+
+to sing songs+
+to listen songs+
+to play guitar+
+to play computer+
+to play basketball+
+to play pool+
+to play bowling+
+to eat fish and spicy food+
+to drink ice milo+
+my zen vision M+
+my laptop+
+my sister , miss CoW moOoO...+
+my grandmother+
+my pretty mrs yang =)+
oTaH's MeMoRiEs
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
July 2006
December 2006
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
September 2007
October 2007
|EXITS|.
Aishang
carol
Chanel
Cindy
DEAR
Song4YOU